Fear: Being Unknown

I loathe that in dating  people quickly, and I am guilty of this as well, dismiss people for superficial reasons. I like to believe that human beings are complex, give or take a few layers between any given individual, and that we cannot be dissected or understood completely in the course of an awkward two hour dinner. Or worse, by sitting silently through a movie surrounded by strangers.

So it is with great fear that I ever meet a boy or man that I develop a serious interest in. I do not want to be tossed out on my ass before I’ve even had a chance to show my best qualities. This is in direct opposition of my other fear – that once somebody knows me well enough, they will leave out of horror. Both are totally ridiculous fears, since people who would do either of these things are not likely to be the sort of people that I would personally feel any strong attatchment too.

This fear, of somebody not seeing the best of me, is what generally drives any urge I have to dress nicely or do my hair, and on some days even to brush my teeth. I am at least confident enough in my personality that I feel free to flirt in my own clumsy way should somebody seem worthwhile. Which is an opinion I am always hard-pressed to form, I usually ask mutual friends if possible. I typically find that I am constantly uncertain of what a guy is thinking or feeling towards me unless he’s making direct sexual advances, or doing/saying something explicitly romantic. I am, in this respect, a bit dense due to a combination of unwilling to believe the best and always hoping for it anyway. I hope that a guy likes me if he smiles at my jokes and I have a good time, but I am never expecting things to be as they appeared to me.


One Response to “Fear: Being Unknown”

  1. Shared Items - December 19, 2008 - Sugarbutch Chronicles Says:

    […] Fear: Being Unknown […]

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