Thinking: Kinky Brain

I would not feel comfortable calling myself kinky. I don’t identify with that word, it doesn’t mean much to me. Convoluted though I may be, I’ve never called myself kinky. Physical restraint or roleplay interest me as exercises of the mind, but for the time being I don’t see myself making them a permanent part of how I get off with other people. I’ve realized that my kink is mainly in my head. What gets me hot half the time isn’t even the prospect of the sex itself, but more the anticipation of the interaction between myself and this man or that guy. Frequently when I daydream about fucking somebody, the planning of flirtations and the nuances of posture soak up the majority of my fantasy. Those moments are drenched in meaning, both real and imagined.

One of the best ways to persuade me to open up is to play along with the seduction. If you got an RSVP invitation, you wouldn’t just show up at the party no matter how great your wine (or cock, in this case) may be.  There’s the process of deconstructing your guard, getting closer inches at a time. Slowly rolling into each other. Savoring the release, give and take, the push and pull. Push you down, pull my shirt off, release your cock, all moments of incredible satisfaction.

To watch your reactions, see what kind of sex you want. The first time I always ask, “Do you want to hear me say your name?” This has been a decent indicator for me of the type of sex. “Yes,” is wild, screaming fucking. Raw around the edges, like a wound. “No,” is quiet and powerful, with more calculated force than reckless abandon. Both make me pant and squirm and grab on tight. I am always interested to know what kind of fuck he wants me to be, and since I enjoy putting on a show as much as the next ex-drama-club kid I usually oblige. Playing a part is sexy, to leave behind things like my grocery list, the projects for work, my weekend plans, and for a little while try to be your fantasy – to slip on that role and feel the power of being just outside of reality.

When or if I ever fall in love, I hope that he does not mind when we come back to reality. Dreams can’t live on bedroom eyes and naked flesh alone.

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2 Responses to “Thinking: Kinky Brain”

  1. sinclair Says:

    ohh my gosh, how did I miss this post before? this is beautiful.

  2. frowzyboy Says:

    You flatter me, sir. Thank you.

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