Limerence is a word coined by Dorothy Tennov to describe a complex state of internal affairs. If my feelings were paperwork, we’d be filing triplicates and extensions for the next four years at least.  Limerence mostly consists of involuntary thoughts on a person, usually a romantic interest, fuelled by uncertainty over the mutuality of one’s desire. Other languages have words to describe limerence that, according to WikiPedia, roughly translate as “fallen-in-love-ness.”

This is the word I’ve been searching for, to describe those feelings that are far beyond a crush, edging around the outside of love, but above all includes the aspect of uncertainty. For me to be in love there has to be a reciprocity. I’ve tried to do all the loving. Let’s just say that I am not made of KrazyGlue. If you don’t love me back, then I’m not in love, even if I love you a lot. That was a hard thing for me to realize, because I like to think that with enough willpower and gritting of teeth I can do anything.

But limerence, that’s something I know all too well. If I were to guess what percentage of my life since the age of 12 has been spent in limerence I would probably irrevocably depress myself . It seems that the only way out of limerence is to know for certain if somebody loves you or not. Information that is usually harder to get than not and unpleasant to get when it’s easily had.


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