With Legs Wide Open

I forgot that repressing my sexual desires usually means I get a little voriacious when I finally let go again. After giving my best friend his first good blowjob, I’ve met with four guys only one of whom actually made it all the way to giving me a halfway decent fuck and the other who automatically went into my Top Five Fucks I’d Like Again list. The other two were total flops.

I don’t think that it’s going to work out with the boy, as painful as that is to admit. He thinks that I’m weird for liking him. Weird? What am I supposed to do with that? I don’t know, so I decided to get laid in the meantime. The boy’s away at a conference this week, so hopefully by the time he’s back I’ll have gotten my ya-ya’s out and I can talk to him and see what’s what for real. I don’t want to stop seeing him, as I feel like he would be an amazing friend but part of me is still dissatisfied that our relationship – such as it is – has played out this way thus far. I always get afraid when I get invested so quickly, because inevitably it ends poorly.

Now that I’ve gotten three positive reviews about my head-giving skills I find I am much more interesting in sucking cock than I was just a week ago.

I have a date Monday with a guy much older than me, and I’m meeting another older guy on Sunday for coffee and potentially sex. I’ve decided to stop being embarassed about the fact that I’m attracted to and interested in men who are sometimes 20+ years older than me. I’ve shared with a few of my friends, but I’ve been formulating some responses for certain points I know some people will bring up.

Aren’t you worried about being taken advantage of?

No, not really. I don’t think age is any indicator of who is taking advantage of whom. The biggest jerks and users I’ve dated have been those closest to my own age anyway. I’m smart and I have boundries that I enforce pretty strictly, especially after watching myself let people who didn’t earn my trust inside those fences and seeing the damage it did to me to go against my better judgement and to forgo my own well-being in favour of somebody else’s comfort.

Why are you attracted to these old/fat/saggy/broken down men?

I’m attracted to masculinity, to strength, to maturity, and to men. I find a lot of that in older men. I’m also attracted to bears, of any age, so to me he’s not fat, he’s not gross, he’s a hot beary man who’s gonna treat me real nice because he likes having a hot, intelligent young man sucking down his loads and riding his hard-on like tomorrow’s never going to come.

Don’t you think it’s weird that he’s old enough to be your dad?

No. I don’t. I think it would be weird if somebody born that year weren’t that age.

What if he has kids your age?

Seeing as I’m probably not going to be much of an authority figure if we’re just fucking, and if we’re living together I imagine his kids will probably only be visiting for family holidays and suchlike I think I could handle that just fine. It’s not like I’m going to be raising toddlers or anything.

Don’t you want kids?

I do. I really do. But I don’t see anywhere that it says Thou Shalt Not Raise Children With An Older Man. At this point in my life, the scenario I see as most likely is being a single dad. I don’t anticipate having a partner before I’m ready to adopt a child. I’m certainly not going to let that hold me back. The logistics are the least of my concerns. If I was with somebody who didn’t want children and we had an otherwise great relationship, I think I could survive.

Aren’t you worried about his health?

As in a great many things, my practical side has the last word here. Isn’t it better to have one person declining in health than both going downhill together? It’s cheaper, and the logistics are simpler.

 

So I’ve been getting laid and I’ve been thinking a lot. Fucking with legs and mind wide open.

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