Inhabiting A Butch Space

In the summer I switch my fitted jeans and cute sweaters for graphic tees and baggy shorts. Smart leather sneakers for oversized flip flops. This summer I’ve even started growing a beard and buzzing my head. What this adds up to is that…I get hit on by girls sometimes. Like sitting at a table with friends and listening to conversation? Waitresses have flirted, or girls walking by have looked with more than a passing glance.

It’s weird.

Not because I don’t think I’m attractive. At this point in my life, I’m pretty convinced that I’m at least hot enough to get laid regularly and smart enough to get a decent boyfriend (eventually.) But because I am fairly convinced it’s due to looking more butch than normal. Super short hair, facial hair, and the clothes I wear all seem, from my perspective, to signal a more masculine nature, and in the culture I live in that usually means a more heterosexual nature.

Since this all started happening, and I started noticing, I’ve noticed that I feel more butch. I notice that I don’t feel as uncomfortable hanging around guys I don’t know – which is usually a little anxiety inducing. I’ve become a little more aggressive in bed when I’m with versatile or bottom guys. I’ve certainly started fantasizing about being a top more often than a bottom when I jerk off.

Contrast that behaviour with the guy I’m seeing regularly. He’s a self-described bro and there would be no arguement from me as to the correctness of that. He’s a guy, a guy who likes to fuck me and say filthy things to me and after we’ve both exhausted every naughty word and our bodies he likes to hold me. Or sometimes I hold him. It’s interesting, I’ve never been more submissive than with him and I’ve never felt more butch than right now.

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