Archive for the ‘Hopes’ Category

Domestic Kink

February 14, 2009

I love wearing aprons, baking bread, making sauces, knitting, sewing, cleaning, organizing, hosting, roasting, anything domestic or homey. In an ideal world, I would work quarter-time and spend most of my time at home or out doing errands and seeing friends at their homes. In short, I would be a housewife.

Why? Why would I want to spend so much time at home, making things for other people, slaving away over meals for other people? Why wouldn’t I go out, travel, go to the theatre? Why would I want to do that?

Because it gets me hot.

To imagine my shirt pushed up and my pants pulled down, bent over the counter in my apron and my hands covered in bread dough getting my ass slicked up and rimmed before I’m fucked senseless and then going back to kneading bread and washing my hands before I can pull my pants up again. My ass is bare and pink and he can see it, slap it, grab it whenever he walks by. I think that’s hot.

To blow him in the humid laundry room while I wait for the spin cycle to finish, swallowing his hard dick and his cum and then changing the loads of clothes before sucking him off again. I think that’s hot.

To greet him at the door with a kiss, which turns into necking, which gets me pushed against the front door and my clothes torn off and he fucks me against the door with my legs wrapped around his waist and my hands clutching his jacket, smelling his cologne and cumming on his work clothes. I think that’s hot.

Knowing that he sees my beauty, my talent, my skills, my love for him. Knowing that because he sees, he loves me. He loves me because he sees me.

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Experimental

January 25, 2009

I just spent the evening with my best friend. We hadn’t talked since before Christmas, maybe the end of October, and he called me up to go out to Thai food. This is how we generally reconcile after fights or long-periods of not-talking. It’s familiar, and it’s our favorite restaurant, and we love going together.

One of the things I learned while we were spending time apart was that I hold on to him so tightly that sometimes I ruin our friendship for us. I learned that I have to let go and be just a teensy bit more zen about what he does with his life, because being his best friend doesn’t mean being his keeper.

We talked about what we’re doing, we’re both seeing people. I’d just had my 4th date with the man, he has had a girlfriend for two months. He wants to break up with her already, and I surprised myself by laughing and saying “You have to stop doing this.” I explained my disinterest in his girlfriends like this, “I never know how long you’re gonna keep them around, so until I see a hint that she’ll be a part of our life together I don’t feel much need to get to know these people.” To which he did not have much of a response.

Afterwards we came back to my apartment and lay in my bed together, which is not unusual. We’re affectionate a great deal of the time, to the point where I have to point out to crestfallen-looking girls that he’s actually straight and not my boyfriend. We cuddle, hug, stand close, even sometimes dance around. My point being, it’s not unusual for us to be in a bed together.

Once, about a year ago, he asked me if I would ever want to blow him. I told him that if he sincerely wanted me to give him a blowjob, I would. We almost got there one night, as he stood in his boxers and I started to get on my knees he got nervous and pulled his pants up.

Tonight he brought it up again, as he has a few times since then. Usually to tease me. I think he finds it interesting that I would offer to suck his dick, and that I find him sexually attractive, but that I don’t actively pursue him. I let him know that if he wanted to do anything, I’m open to it and would want to do it safely and give him all the possible knowledge of any potential consequences. I think that it’s important, as his friend, to offer that kind of outlet and safety. I’d much rather have him get a blowjob from me than from a stranger at a party, or at an anonymous gloryhole. First of all, who knows if he’d catch anything. Secondly, to assure quality of experience. I know that I give amazing head, and if my best friend is going to be getting a blowjob from a guy I want it to be the best and safest he can get.

As we were cuddling in my bed we were talking about it, and I answered his questions the same way I always have.

“Can I get up and leave afterwards?”
 Isn’t that how you usually leave anyway?

“What if I don’t like it?”

You can ask me to stop. 

“I don’t want it to make things awkward for us.”

I’ve already decided that it wouldn’t be awkward for me. I love you, you are my best friend and we have already fought about most of our differences and still we love each other and want to spend time together. If it would be awkward for you, that is something you have to decide for yourself.

“I think I want you to.”

Yeah?

“Yeah. Would you blow me?”

If you really want me to.

“I want you to blow me.”

So I did.

I don’t feel bad about it. I want to do it again. I’ve decided this is something he has to control, since its his feelings that I think are going to be most affected. Afterwards, he said that he felt perfectly fine except for the plus of having just had the best blowjob of his life.

I don’t feel guilty about his girlfriend. I don’t feel guilty about the boy I’ve been seeing. I don’t feel guilty about playing out the gay-guy-loving-straight-cock stereotype. I feel almost like because of our friendship, it’s not the same. It’s not cheating. It’s not dishonest. It’s not anybody’s business what two friends make of their friendship.

P.S. His cum was delicious.

Such A Boy

January 9, 2009

I went on a second date with my Current Interest, out to get food. I’ve picked restaurants both times that we’ve been out to eat, and for some reason it makes me unsettled. I’m not used to leading without much feedback. “Yeah, that’s fine.” should be enough to allay any concerns but for some reason it doesn’t. In my family, “Yeah that’s fine” is usually code for “I don’t care enough and/or I’m mad at you so don’t wish to discuss it BUT I ACTUALLY HATE THE DECISION YOU’RE MAKING RIGHT NOW.” That’s probably the reason it doesn’t.

I’m reacquainting myself with Trust. I don’t do it easily, even though I’m very open to new people. If I can’t trust, I at least force myself to take things at face value because there is only so much worrying I can handle, even being the Bionic  Worrier that I am. It helps that he has never shown me anything but sincerity and genuine emotion.

Every time I’m around him or I think of him, I am overcome with a sense of amazement. He is so amazingly kind, open, smart, sweet, funny, and handsome.  Today we were texting and I told him to pick a movie for us to go see since I don’t know what’s out or even what’s good right now so he texts me back.

He picked that James Bond movie.

He’s such a boy and I love every god damn second of it.